Becoming Immune To Others

We are born vulnerable. As children we need someone to keep us safe, to feed us, to clothe us, and fulfill our emotional requirements. We cannot do this ourselves.

Adulthood is the continuous process of learning to fulfill our needs and wants. It is the process of differentiation.

You are created unique; the combination of your DNA has never existed before in this universe. You possess one-of-a-kind gifts to offer to this world—even if you think you don’t. They are there within, waiting to be unwrapped.

The people I admire possess an acute awareness of these gifts coupled with a sense of purpose.

Innate inclinations and passions allow us to continuously practice these skills. Over time they are developed into something we are proficient at — even an expert.

Overnight success occurs after years experimenting, practicing and iterating these skills. It could be formal practice or it could be a repeated behavior we automatically (yet consciously) do.

The Clue To Finding Your Unique Gifts

Reflect on what you loved to do when you were 7-10 years old or even a young teenager. At this age we tend to be more in touch with our passions. We can ask those who knew us then for clues if we struggle to remember. For me, it was writing, music and video games.

With conditioning we often forget our unique passions. There is pressure to conform to certain identities. Family, schooling, and peers mold us to be a certain way.

The Process of Becoming You, Again

Differentiation is the process of becoming you again.

Validation has been my weakness for much my youth. I see it in the following way:

There is a sphere of all the things that are my unique make-up. My energy, thoughts and actions. Then there is the sphere of the way groups that have influence over me want me to behave.

For many of us these spheres (imagine a Venn diagram) are mutually exclusive. The game is lost when we move our existence into the sphere of influence of others. Yes, there can be overlap between our goals and the goals of others. That is fine. But when the writer is forced to become an engineer, or the entrepreneur into a doctor, there is internal dissonance.

We experience this dissonance as pain. But, it can be a powerful signal that we are not living authentically. Move away from the validation of others and start witnessing yourself. It feels good to be seen. You must see yourself first.

Become the witnessing consciousness—of your thoughts, emotions and energy. The deeper you sense into these things, the more alive you become.

Use boundaries to differentiate between what belongs to others and what is truly you. They expect XYZ, my heart tells me ABC.

We can use feedback from others to course correct. We have blind spots (like driving a car) where additional perspective is helpful. We can be taught to drive the car better. But the actual direction and driving is up to you.

Why Our Goals Can’t Define Us

On the macro level we all have similar goals: become famous, make a million bucks, obtain a fit body, find a partner we love, be remembered and appreciated.

On the micro level the paths vary enormously. There are many ways to achieve the above targets.

If our goals defined us we’d be pretty similar.

We are not defined by our goals, but by our identity and habits.

My aim for you is to live an identity you created, not one society chooses for you. Too many follow the path provided to them and question it rarely.

Only you are in touch with your essence. Let that guide your life. Society will give you a generic role.

Become one-of-one.

The irony is that once we learn to see ourselves, we are truly seen by others.